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February 16th, 2010
Make sure you never get Kevin Smith'd

Top Signs You're Too Fat For Public Transportation

--All the oxygen masks drop when you fart.

 

 

--Halfway through the full body scan, the TSA machine says, "Uncle!" 

 

 

--You've spent the past six months wedged in a subway turnstile.

 

 

--Security wants to check your fanny pack . . . and you're not wearing one.

 

 

--Planes actually charge an extra baggage fee for both of your man-boobs.

 

 

--When you get onto the bus, you actually hear the Greyhound yelp.  

 

 

--You once forced a plane to make an emergency landing . . . at Arby's.

 

 

--When you step on the trolley, they have to change the classification from "light rail" to "rail."

 

 

--You're on the "No Way This Plane Can Possibly Fly" list.

 

 

--Every time you get in a cab, you have to pay a "broken axel" surcharge.

 

 

--When the plane needs to turn, a stewardess asks you to lean.

 

 

--Flight attendants say that in the event of a water landing, to use YOU for a flotation device.

 

 

--Airlines make you buy two seats, plus insurance for every other passenger and the entire crew.

 

 

--When you wear a yellow raincoat, school kids try to board you.

 

 

--You actually eat the in-flight meal.

 

 

--You get on the bus by smashing a Kool-Aid Man-shaped hole through the wall.

 

 

--When you're in first class, Kanye doesn't complain about being stuck in coach.

 

 

--At $8 a blanket, it costs $168 to cover you.

 

 

--If you had a car, you'd be able to drive in the carpool lane . . . by yourself.

 

 

--The food tray gets lodged between your stomach fat folds.

 

 

--When you get in, the cab driver immediately asks, "Which buffet?"

 

 

--Remember "The Little Engine That Could"?  When you got on it, it became "The Little Engine That Wasn't No Way In Hell Even Gonna Try".

 

 


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