HomeAbout The ShowShow NewsListen NowListen NowContact

February 16th, 2010
Make sure you never get Kevin Smith'd

Top Signs You're Too Fat For Public Transportation

--All the oxygen masks drop when you fart.



--Halfway through the full body scan, the TSA machine says, "Uncle!" 



--You've spent the past six months wedged in a subway turnstile.



--Security wants to check your fanny pack . . . and you're not wearing one.



--Planes actually charge an extra baggage fee for both of your man-boobs.



--When you get onto the bus, you actually hear the Greyhound yelp.  



--You once forced a plane to make an emergency landing . . . at Arby's.



--When you step on the trolley, they have to change the classification from "light rail" to "rail."



--You're on the "No Way This Plane Can Possibly Fly" list.



--Every time you get in a cab, you have to pay a "broken axel" surcharge.



--When the plane needs to turn, a stewardess asks you to lean.



--Flight attendants say that in the event of a water landing, to use YOU for a flotation device.



--Airlines make you buy two seats, plus insurance for every other passenger and the entire crew.



--When you wear a yellow raincoat, school kids try to board you.



--You actually eat the in-flight meal.



--You get on the bus by smashing a Kool-Aid Man-shaped hole through the wall.



--When you're in first class, Kanye doesn't complain about being stuck in coach.



--At $8 a blanket, it costs $168 to cover you.



--If you had a car, you'd be able to drive in the carpool lane . . . by yourself.



--The food tray gets lodged between your stomach fat folds.



--When you get in, the cab driver immediately asks, "Which buffet?"



--Remember "The Little Engine That Could"?  When you got on it, it became "The Little Engine That Wasn't No Way In Hell Even Gonna Try".





Submit a comment

Website & Contents © Walton & Johnson | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Contact Us

Powered by BubbleUp, Ltd.

W&J on Twitter.comW&J on Facebook.com