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July 16th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

-    There’s a bit of hope on the horizon: The Amazon ‘Black Friday’ deal was a flop. Americans saw through the fact that the only things on sale were the items that no one wanted anyways.
-    Bush Senior has been hospitalized after a fall in his home.
-    Chris Christie is upset that he gets asked about Donald Trump on a daily basis.

5AM (2):

-    Teens are taking pictures of themselves licking donuts to show their solidarity with Ariana Grande. Thanks for reminding us how dumb you are, kids!
-    Good news: You can now buy a jewel for your cat’s brown eye!

6AM (1):

-    Ross Perot Jr. is in the news for purchasing a group of radio stations.
-    How long until Michelle Obama reveals to the world that she’s actually a man?

6AM (2):

-    If someone had to put a man on Pluto, the best choice might be Barack Obama.
-    If Maury Povich were the president of Kuwait, he’d order mandatory DNA testing for all its residents.

6AM (3):

-    Barack would prefer it be illegal to ask him question that challenge his agenda.
-    A PA man was found drunk and naked in a hog barn. He’s been charged with impersonation of a Florida resident.
-    There’s a new jewel designed to hide your cat’s anus.

6AM (4):

-    Barack was met by a barrage of confederate flags as he landed in Oklahoma.
-    We’re made to believe that ISIS sprung up by itself. Fact is, the weapons used by ISIS are all American and were paid for by American tax payers.
-    How long until Barack comes on the show?

7AM (1)

-    We should send the story of the man that had sex with an alligator to Barack so he can see what outrageous looks like.
-    Then entire Western world is dying at the hand of political correctness.
-    Someone bought Brittany Spears’ grocery list for $60
-    Ronda Rousey can scare even JJ Watt

7AM (2):

-    The smartest thing Barack says all day is “uhh…”
-    Parody: Sick of fighting a holy war in the desert? Try “Jobs for Jihadis”

7AM (3):

-    Parody: Congratulations – You’re gay and married! What now?
-    Guest: Dr. Rand Paul

7AM (4):

-    Audio: Does the ISIS national anthem mention Obama’s name in it?

8AM (1):

-    People want you to believe that radio is over and podcasts are the next thing. The numbers don’t bear that out, however.
-    Anyone can do a podcast… including Shaq.
-    The final piece of ice from last winter finally melted yesterday in Boston.

8AM (2):

-    Who had the better dress at the ESPYs: Halle Berry or Bruce Jenner?
-    Taser Report

8AM (3):

-    The ESPYs weren’t about sports last night; it was all about transgender people.
-    Hillary is getting money from her good friends at JP Morgan
-    Communism is not all about keeping people equal; it’s about ensuring that the government keeps all the money.
-    When the systems is rigged between a candidate that will give you a paycheck and one that won’t, who do you think the majority of people will vote for?

8AM (4):

-    Obama has been working on his new image for a few years and finally decided to reveal it to the world when he used the ‘n’ word.

9AM (1):

-    Celebrity Birthdays
-    There’s a move to ‘de-segregate’ neighborhoods by building projects in affluent parts of town.
-    Some say that if it weren’t for Ross Perot, there would be no Bill Clinton.
-    This day in history: Sandra Bullock married Jessie James. We tried to warn her but she just didn’t listen.

9AM (2):

-    Parody: What would Shirley Q ax Rand Paul?

9AM (3):

-    Bruce Jenner is the kind of hero that America needs in the face of China
-    What’s premiering tonight on TV?
-    Random Facts: The first guy to go over Niagara Falls died slipping on an orange peel 15 years later. Who would’ve guessed?
-    Would “Fist Full of Fun” be a good name for a band?
-    If you’re looking for lube, there’s a 55-gallon drum being sold on Amazon.
-    Mr. Eaux bought him a 2 pack of ski masks during the Amazon sale yesterday.

9AM (4):

-    The only thing holding us back from becoming a black preacher is the fact that we’re not black…
-    How long until a scandal brings down Joel Osteen?
-    It’s hard to ignore a 900ft Jesus statue.
-    Did you know “niggle” is a real word?



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