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June 5th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

-    Fair warning: You may find some of today’s show offensive.
-    The IOC has determined that they will not revoke Bruce Jenner’s Olympic medals.
-    If Bruce Jenner will earn half a billion dollars over the course of his life as a woman, how much would someone earn if they transitioned to a bear?

5AM (2):

-    Life goes on even in countries that aren’t in charge of anything anymore. This is salient advice for the US in the near future.
-    There’s a movie soon to be released covering the life of Brian Wilson.

6AM (1):

-    This day in history
-    We won the Battle of San Jacinto, but we lost the battle of 2015 due to political correctness.
-    LeBron James wants you to know that the Golden State Warriors are doomed because he’s “at his best.”
-    The son of the owner of the Denver Broncos was arrested for domestic violence the other day while wearing a Broncos shirt.

6AM (2):

-    The trans-species saga continues. If you’re about to go ‘full griz’ and you let your wife stop you from making the change, you were never meant to be a bear in the first place.
-    Would you believe it if an NFL player was forced to pay a tax for farting too much during press conferences?

6AM (3):

-    Here’s a gay moment for you: Two members of the cast of The Lion King and Aladdin were stuck at an airport and decided to have a ‘sing off.’
-    Hillary Clinton was in Houston yesterday and our prediction was right. You couldn’t have wedged a person between Hillary and SheJack if you tried.

6AM (4):

-    Doug Stanhope: What has running ever cured? All these stupid challenges do nothing but take away from the cause of the charity, which is actually curing the disease.
-    Emails
-    The cameras didn’t show you the half-empty arena that Hillary spoke to yesterday.

7AM (1)

-    A lot of people wondered why all the guys in Bonanza were never seen with women.
-    Parody: What would Ichbar do?
-    Have you ever had Irish butter? We’re not exactly sure how they make it, but damn it’s good!

7AM (2):

-    The city of Pittsburgh has decided to remove a long-lived slogan from the side of their mass transit systems.
-    How’s this for irony: Over 4 million employees of the government have had their information hacked.
-    Audio: Rick Perry has chosen a rather unusual musical choice to use as his campaign song.
-    If Rick Perry began walking with‘swag’ would that secure SheJacks vote?

7AM (3):

-    There’s a massive egg shortage sweeping the country. The shortage has become so bad in some parts that stores are starting to limit the number of eggs that people can buy.

7AM (4):

-    Today is national donut day and we’re wondering where ours are…
-    Don Trump has offered up his plan for defeating ISIS. According to him, the plan is “so simple, so surgical… it’s foolproof.”
-    Have you noticed that your feet grow as you age?

8AM (1):

-    Who is responsible for tailoring Rick Perry’s suits?
-    Have you heard about the HBO documentary based on a seven day tennis match?
-    Do Swiss people have a discernible look?

8AM (2):

-    What’s the top selling item at Wal Mart? We thought it might be granny panties; turns out it’s bananas, however.

8AM (3):

-    Shout out to all the lawyers listening this morning!
-    Audio: Have you ever experienced a miracle? How about burning your laundry… who knew you could do that?
-    What are the top lies that people tell?
-    The pictures of Chris Christie wearing a baseball outfit are outrageous. He was supposed to have had weight loss surgery but the weight has clearly returned.
-    5 Random Facts
-    On HBO’s Vice last night they revealed that 80 percent of the water in India is contaminated with feces. Also, 50 percent of homes in Indian are without toilets.

8AM (4):

-    The video game hall of fame is now open if you want to check it out.
-    Vince Gill says he can’t understand why female country artists aren’t getting more air time.

9AM (1):

-    A Florida man was charged for disturbing the peace after he decided to dance on top of a police cruiser. According to the man, he chose to dance this way because he was threatened by vampires.
-    Celebrity Birthdays

9AM (2):

-    If you wanted to become ‘trans-species’ what would you become? A bear?
-    Star Trek actress Nichelle Nichols has suffered a stroke. She played Uhura in the series.
-    If Britney Spears painted with her nipples and didn’t tape it, how many millions of dollars do you think she would’ve missed out on?

9AM (3):

-    An ISIS terrorist decided to post a selfie online. 22 hours later the building where the terrorists were located was destroyed by 3 cruise missiles.
-    More details about the Florida man that decided to dance on top of the cop car: He was dancing to “Rich Girl” from Hall & Oates.
-    Shocking: Marco Rubio can’t be president because of his multiple traffic violations.

9AM (4):

-    Marco Rubio may be back in the race; after all, he was a hot wife.
-    Today is national donut day and we have Producer Ken’s wife Morgan to thank for bringing them up to us.
-    Rick Perry will fight to the top. He has everything he never had before: glasses, an airplane and most importantly a memory!
-    Audio: Have you heard Rick Perry’s new campaign song?
-    The oldest joke in the book is tipping over a port-a-potty when your buddy is in it. Nothing like seeing your pal covered in poop.



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