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May 26th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

                         

-         BEST OF

5AM (2):

-         We’re having a flood of epic proportions here in Houston. It’s best you stay home today and listen to us. Just remember, whatever you do don’t turn on the TV!

-         At least 5 dead and 12 missing just because of the flooding so far.

-         Only 1/3 of the people in India actually have air conditioning.

-         With the amount of poop floating around in the rivers of India, does someone have a business diverting poop so boats can navigate the waters?

 

6AM (1):

 

-         Don’t try to call Ben Stiller today because his mother just passed away.

-         If everyone would just go out and get themselves a 4 wheel drive truck we wouldn’t have problems with cars stalling in rain like this.

-         It’s too bad that building a house like a brick chimney is cost prohibitive in most cases.

 

6AM (2):

 

-         There were a lot of people stuck at the Rockets game last night. Question is: How many are still stuck?

-         The reason that fat people used to be made fun of so much was because they were so rare. Nowadays your average, run-of-the-mill fat person is commonplace. We’ve become a nation of fat beasts with huge waistlines walking around without an ounce of shame.

-         No government edict can eradicate obesity, not even Michelle Obama.

 

6AM (3):

 

-         5 Random Facts

-         Why is it so hard for Hillary Clinton to smile?

 

6AM (4):

 

-         A drive by occurred last night in Houston killing a veteran police officer. It seems that cop lives don’t matter.

-         Would you believe it if someone told you that rioters like those in Ferguson were getting paid to destroy stuff?

-         A man that goes by the name of Thomas Bacon was arrested after getting into an altercation with a guy over sausage.

 

 

 

 


7AM (1)

 

-         Rumor has it that Marvel wants Matthew Mcconaughey to play the Green Goblin in the next iteration of Spider Man.

-         The “black lives matter” crowd ruined one Memorial Day celebration at Coney Island yesterday.

-         According to some vegetarians, a steakhouse is one of the best places to eat vegetables.

-         Here’s the comprehensive list of things that piss vegetarians off.

 

7AM (2):

 

-         What’s the deal with colleges using people like Robert DeNiro to speak at commencement ceremonies? Sure he’s a great actor, but does he really qualify to dole out advice to college graduates?

-         It’s important to note that flash floods and rain in Houston is nothing new. It may be new to Millenials, but to those that grew up here, this is nothing new.

-         For those that have always wanted to kayak across the streets of Houston, now is your chance.

 

7AM (3):

 

-         This day in history

-         This isn’t hard to believe: A 21 year-old-girl accidentally shot herself while taking a selfie.

-         If you call out James Taylor’s name while he’s on the toilet will he “come running?”

-         It was a deadly weekend in Baltimore

 

7AM (4):

 

-         A world record was taken this weekend of the most selfies taken in under 3 minutes.

-         The selfie stick is the thing to have these days.

-         Steve ran into some W&J listeners in Key West over the weekend.

-         A new study shows that all studies prior to this one are full of crap.

-         Top things you didn’t know about the Amish.

 

 

 

8AM (1):

 

-         If you’re thinking of harming yourself in an effort to look like a victim, remember that almost every place you go have security cameras all over the place.

-         What are the chances that Baby Boomers will live longer than their kids because the kids are so lazy?

 

8AM (2):

 

-         According to Bill Nye, if you’re a politician that opposes ‘global warming,’ you’re an unconstitutional American.

-         Thad Cochran paid several hundred thousand dollars to his ‘assistant’ using taxpayer dollars.

-         Ben Stiller’s mother has died.

 

8AM (3):

 

-         Barack wants you to know that the number one global concern in climate change.

-         A 4-year-old girl was shot in the head in Chicago. The mother of the girl is now moving her family, including the recuperating daughter, to a safer part of the country.

-         The city of Houston is creating more jobs than several states combined.

 

8AM (4):

 

-         Houston’s own Mayor Porker wants you to know “if you see high water, don’t drive through it.”

-         Anybody that’s truly smart won’t go into politics in an attempt to lead people.

-         You can’t even put a flag out on the street without getting shot these days.

-         According to reports, a man has died in his car in Houston during the flash flood overnight.

-         It got up to 117 degrees in India over the weekend.

-         According to the National Endowment for the Arts, ‘heterosexual privilege’ is very real and needs to be addressed.

 

 

9AM (1):

 

-         The flooding in Houston will most certainly make national news today.

-         Art Garfunkel has finally spoken out against Paul Simon’s departure at the height of their success.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

 

9AM (2):

 

-         The Olsen twins will not be involved in the Full House revamp.

-         What movies did well at the box office over the weekend?

 

9AM (3):

 

-         The Irish that immigrated to the US thought they had it good when they got here. In fact, that’s probably how there ended up being so many Irish sergeants in the military.

-         A 47-year-old Florida woman splashed her father’s face with Listerine after getting into an argument with him. Question is: How long until the both of them get gingivitis?

 

9AM (4):

 

-         Good news around Houston: The streets are starting to clear around the city. Of course, the Mayor did all she could to keep us safe.

-         A study from a reputable firm concluded that the majority of drowning occurs near water. Thanks for that.

-         Did you see the picture of the eagle perched atop a soldier’s grave? We have to wonder if it was staged, however. Might be that someone put a dead mouse on top and the eagle swooped in to grab it.

 

 


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