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May 19th, 2015
Today on Walton & Johnson

5AM (1):

-         The entire goal of the TSA is not safety, it’s all about compliance.

-         It’s best to carry around a bottle of hand sanitizer at all times these days.

5AM (2):

-         Did you know that Miley Cyrus used to have a pet blowfish? This is the kind of stuff that professional news outlets want you to know about.

6AM (1):

-         John Kerry wants to regulate the Internet, even though it “flourishes” by being free.

-         Did you spot any racism in the recent gang shootings in Waco? One columnist at the New York Times claims that the violence may have been precipitated because of ‘white privilege.’

6AM (2):

-         Sports apparel company Under Armor has publically apologized for making a spoof of the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima.

6AM (3):

-         Did you see the episode of Silicon Valley where the geeks were contemplating whether or not to save a guy named Blain?

6AM (4):

-         Bruce Jenner is the poster child for identity disorder. The sad thing is that America celebrates this kind of thing.

-         Parody: Are you tired of being trapped in a race you feel doesn’t suit you? Try Trans-Racial USA

 

7AM (1)

-         Parody: Pissed off that Twin Peaks in Waco is closed? Try Hooters: it’s a metaphor for t*ts!

-         Bikers want you to know that it wasn’t a ‘gang’ that caused the shooting in Waco this weekend, it was a club.

-         It’s counterintuitive that most people these days will whip out their cell phone and start filming when disaster is imminent.

7AM (2):

-         Audio: A Georgia man drove his truck into his house out of sheer boredom.

-         Asking a question in the context of hindsight makes no sense whatsoever. In fact, it’s counterproductive.

-         Knowing what we know now, should the US have claimed all of Mexico to begin with? Perhaps we might have wound up with all of Central America.

7AM (3):

-         If Obama invited you to fly on Air Force One to support the troops, would you go?

-         Have you seen the final episode of Mad Men yet?

-         How long does it take you to erase a show from your DVR? Some people end up hoarding shows until their device if nearly full.

 

7AM (4):

-         The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that a convicted felon can still sell his or her guns after a crime has been committed with them. Question is: how would the felon gain access to the weapons again?

-         Some evolutionary biologists in England have determined that the only reason that men still exist is to suffer rejection from women.


8AM (1):

-         Sandra Bullock says that the new Magic Mike film makes her ovulate again.

-         Anderson Cooper is dumber than you think.

-         Hillary Clinton is hiding out from reporters as she makes her way through the US.

-         Hillary Clinton’s motorcade was racing to Waterloo. Does anyone else see the irony in that?

 

8AM (2):

-         Great news: About 45 minutes ago, W&J were ‘trending’ on the Internet. What that means, we’re not exactly sure.

-         Parody: Shirley Q - Watussi goes to the DMV

-         Are you looking for a job? How about selling radio airtime at Free FM in Beaumont!

8AM (3):

-         Institutions like Harvard are full of racism. The fact is, if universities want to eradicate racism they need to stop teaching ‘white privilege.’

-         What if University of Mumbai had a Houston branch?

8AM (4):

-         Have you checked out the final episode of Mad Men?

 

9AM (1):

-         According to a study, the best time to have a serious conversation with your husband is at 8:15 at night. The worst time is when he’s watching sports or listening to Walton & Johnson.

-         Ladies: When you use the phrase “We need to talk” it instantly makes men want to hit the road.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         Today is the day that Mexico gave land to the US

-         Why didn’t Thomas Edison sound smart when he first talked on the radio?

-         This day in history

9AM (2):

-         This day in history

-         An Oklahoma woman that wanted to get even with her dead romantic rival decided to cut the dead woman’s boobs and toe off.


9AM (3):

-         Two Baltimore police officers have been suspended without pay after being caught participating in looting.

-         Perhaps we should’ve given the biker gang room to destroy things instead of keeping them contained. Using this kind of logic, the shooting in Waco may not have happened.

-         What would Al Sharpton do with his life if he actually ended racism?

-         Emails: Gavin writes us seeking a bit of dating advice.

-         Three reasons why your dog shouldn’t lick your face: Tape worms, food poisoning, and cryptosporidium.

-         The Wagner Ranch in Texas is up for sale. Can we scour up enough cash with our listeners to buy it?


9AM (4):

 

-         Bad news: It looks like we won’t be able to afford the Wagner Ranch unless we get more listeners.

-         Parody: TransRacial USA can help you get out of your skin faster than Hannibal Lector!

 


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Comments:


Transracial USA - 2015-07-30
Best. Skit. Ever. Where can I find a link?!? Amazing how people are so offended by the truth always, but they can talk out their asses and no one can be offended by it. But speak the truth? Dont you dare!! Need everyone to hear this parody...
by Andreah Rivero

A Beard on a BeHind - 2015-05-20
Where is mEShell Sea http://www.forrestcrumb .com/?p=3931 Free To Shear Have-A-Goodin
by J.C.

Handicapitalism Hanger - 2015-05-20
http://www.forrestcrumb.com/?p=3921
by J.C.



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