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May 13th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

-         The Houston weather people are on ‘puddle patrol’ this morning. According to one gal on Local 2, the amount of rain was “unbelievable.”

-         TV weather could literally take less than a minute if they tried, but they insist on dragging it out to a 5-minute segment.

-         North Korea publically executed their defense minister with an anti-aircraft gun. What kind of execution technique will they come up with next?


5AM (2):

-         Boston has to be one of the dumbest cities in the world. The city is vacillating back and forth as to whether the Boston bomber should get the death penalty or not.

-         If all the NFL quarterbacks want the ball a bit deflated, why not just deflate them all? The players are the ones that have to use the ball after all...

 

6AM (1):

-         Sad news: Tiger and Lindsay are breaking up.

-         Noose is the word that you don’t say unless you want an uprising.

-         And now a quick word on treadmill safety


6AM (2):

-         5 Random Facts: Men commit suicide way more than women in most countries. Of course, the study neglects to outline the fact that the reason behind the suicides is almost always women.

-         Obamacare is affordable only if you don’t pay for it.


6AM (3):

-         Have sales of fountain pens suffered with all the texting going on today?

-         Harry Reid stepped forward yesterday to address the issue of the Redskins.

-         Parody: What word can NFL players use if they can’t use the ‘N’ word? How about Redskins…


6AM (4):

-         Audio: What’s the most common question a sports reporter gets asked?

-         Emails

-         This day in history: A farmer in Lubbock, TX was actually killed by hail. This has to be the only case where someone was killed in such a manner.

-         What does an earthquake have to do with a missing helicopter? According to reports, a Marine chopper has gone missing in Katmandu.

 

7AM (1)

-         A man named Cameron Hill saved a woman’s life after her then boyfriend stabbed her. He’s now proposed to the girl.

-         Audio: This guy does one hell of a Barack impersonation.

-         A new survey indicates that Americans are leaving Christianity in droves. We don’t buy it for a minute, however.

-         And now a quote from Julius Caesar: “Fortune favors the bold”

 

7AM (2):

-         Is it possible to avoid the impending doom that will soon be unveiled by our uneducated youth?


7AM (3):

-         Audio: Street Report – Karen loves Depeche Mode

 

7AM (4):

-         Hillary Clinton is on yet another one of her ‘listening tours’

-         If you looked at Hillary’s notebook during one of her listening sessions, you’d probably see hateful comments about the America public.

-         Question: Do all of Hillary’s body movements distract from her blatant lies?

-         Emails – We got an email from a guy in the Congo yesterday.

-         Have you ever loved your car so much that you had sex with it?

 

8AM (1):

-         The guy that owns the Patriots is rumored to be worth about $2 billion.

-         Parody: Help ease Tom Brady’s suffering by giving a few cents a day to support his multimillion dollar lifestyle.

-         The new Muppets show is aimed primarily at adults

-         Emails – Joshua writes to remind us how dumb our young adults are these days.

 

8AM (2):

-         Thanks to Barack, ISIS now has members mobilizing in America.

-         Parody: Not even gay ISIS members are safe. What kind of a world are we living in?

-         This day in history


8AM (3):

-         Audio: Montage of all Michael Jackson’s grunts during his songs

-         A savage, violent beating of a 61 year old white man occurred recently in Baltimore. The suspects, all black teens, are not being covered on television.

-         For those of you complaining about the W&J app, remember that it’s nearly 5 years old now. For this reason, we’re conducting interviews with some Indian developers today.


8AM (4):

-         Kim Jong Un has executed a member of the government after accusing the man of treason. The execution was conducted with an anti-aircraft gun.

 

9AM (1):

-         Audio: Evolution doesn’t naturally reward intelligence. Perhaps this is the reason for the preponderance of stupidity these days.

-         Guest: Colin Flaherty – Author, hates people that play the race card.

-         Barack Obama might be the most dangerous man in American history. Think about it.


9AM (2):

-         A recent survey wants to know what body part you would change. From the looks of things the survey excluded men, as 34 percent of people said they wouldn’t change a thing.

-         How come we never hear about Gluten allergies of yesteryear?

-         Experts say that the Internet is about to run out of bandwidth.

-         How long before we start downloading stuff directly into our brains?

 

9AM (3):

-         Kat doesn’t know about the human sacrifice we plan to do in NOLA this weekend. This may be because she IS the sacrifice!

-         Who knew that there was an ambassador to North Korea? He’s dead nonetheless.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         Tonight is the season finale of American Idol.

 

9AM (4):

-         Galveston cops arrested a man for hurling his own feces at a police officer. As if that wasn’t weird enough, the man then managed to somehow get the poop in his mouth and spit it out at the cops.

-         Subway will soon be installing a new security system in their stores. The system is aimed at spraying would-be sandwich robbers with a substance that will adhere to skin for up to 7 weeks.

-         An Army veteran is facing up to a year in prison for breaking a car window in an effort to save a dog’s life.

 


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