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April 10th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

-         How many people have died because of Hillary Clinton?

-         Looking back on the Clinton’s past, it’s more than evident that they had something to do with the ‘mysterious deaths’ of people associated with their campaign.

5AM (2):

-         The 2015 football pre-season schedule has been released, and football fans everywhere are going crazy.

-         Yesterday Alyssa Milano reported that guards confiscated her breast milk at Heathrow Airport.

-         A 50th anniversary party was held at the Astrodome and according to the Houston Chronicle, the crowd went wild.

6AM (1):

-         Television people like to be pretentious about their studios. At least radio people admit that most of the furniture we have is falling apart.

-         There’s a disingenuous hump in control of the White House. If he had his was, we’re in need of yet another ‘hump.’

6AM (2):

-         Yesterday in Fairdale, IL, a tornado wiped out much of the city. Will they rebuild? Maybe the more appropriate question should be: Would we even miss them if they didn’t?

-         Calls – We don’t form thoughts on the NFL drafts anymore.

6AM (3):

-         What is it about the Masters that changes the way people talk?

-         Parody: The Masters like you’ve never heard it.

6AM (4):

-         Hillary Clinton has announced that she might announce that she might announce that she may wind up running for President.

-         Barack has decided to head down to Panama to chow down with Cuba’s murderous leader.

-         Parody: Feeling old? Have you considered ‘hip replacement?’

-         The Apple Watch has officially hit the shelves.

7AM (1)

-         Wouldn’t it make a statement about America if the first woman President were a black woman?

-         Reminder: The W&J Show is your definitive source for everything Masters related.

-         Audio: “It’s a good day to be in America!”

7AM (2):

-         Why hasn’t Condoleezza Rice opted to run for President in the past?

7AM (3):

-         Parody: The following bodyguards were killed by Hillary Clinton

-         Is it possible to destroy the country even more? The answer is yes, but only if “SheJack” were in charge.

-         Have you been watching the Masters?

7AM (4):

-         Using the phrase “boots on the ground” does nothing but desensitize American’s understanding that these ‘boots’ are really men and women and sons and daughters.

-         Parody: Lindsey Graham announces he’s running for President, but he’s not a homo!

-         4 not-so-healthy habits of the world’s oldest person

-         Would you have guessed that Ben Crenshaw is currently 19 over in the Masters?

8AM (1):

-         Would you drink Alyssa Milano’s breast milk? Of course, it would have to be shipped in on ice so it won’t spoil.

-         Hillary Clinton should announce her Presidential campaign right here on the W&J show.

-         Emails – Alan says he randomly met a girl at a coffee shop. Problem is, they’re both in relationships. He wants to know “what person do we still think about that we only met once?”

-         According to a source, there is a list of ‘illegal questions’ that an employer can’t ask job candidates.

-         Have you ever wondered why the people that park way out in the boonies don’t grab a shopping cart on their walk in?

8AM (2):

-         Unusual and useless facts about the Masters

8AM (3):

-         Whenever we look back and see how different people of other eras lived, we’re so quickly to call them idiots. Think what people will be saying about us in 100 years…

-         Net Neutrality may end up being good for radio people. Think about it: If companies like Pandora are forced to cope with restricted bandwidth, more and more listeners will make their way back to traditional listening methods.

8AM (4):

-         Word to the unwise: If you kill someone and try and hide out, don’t get your name tattooed on your neck.

9AM (1):

-         Have you seen the viral video of the woman that thought she would be eaten by a manatee?

-         Ikea is now offering ‘vegan meatballs.’ Wait, what?

-         The mother of the Boston Bomber claims that she’ll get her retribution on the American people.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         A new Nicholas Spark’s movie is on its way out.

9AM (2):

-         It’s been exactly one year since the VA scandal broke out. Turns out that nothing has changed.

-         A group of firefighters in Texas is accused of sodomizing a new recruit with a burrito. The entire incident was caught on camera. Question is: Would the burrito make him a better firefighter?

9AM (3):

-         Food for thought: Most people on their death beds never wished they spent more time tweeting about celebrities.

-         Anyone want to take a vacation to Cuba?

-         Do all black people have diabetes?

-         A new series called Jump will appear on Lifetime TV tonight. The show is predicated on the best jump ropers in the world.

9AM (4):

-         Women on television never use few words when hundreds can be used.

-         Emails

-         Ted Cruz’ art is being hung about the streets of San Francisco.

 

 


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Comments:


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by Niho



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