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March 24th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

-         If you could bitch slap the entire country in a single swing of the hand, would you?

-         In the news this morning: Americans poop $4 billion worth of gold each year.

-         It’s possible that Hillary Clinton can’t actually type.

5AM (2):

-         If you withdrawal over $5000 of your money from your bank account, should the police be contacted?

6AM (1):

-         A Kabul woman was beaten to death for arguing with a street vendor on his business practices. After someone claimed she burned a Koran, the violence began.

-         Do you remember the best advice that you ever gave to someone going through the drive thru? Maybe it should be “never leave the window”

6AM (2):

-         Audio: Elvis enrolls in the Army

-         Are you familiar with Steven Smith of ESPN? According to reports, Smith has let the black community know that they need to vote for the GOP in the upcoming presidential election because Democrats don’t represent anyone but themselves.

6AM (3):

-         Parody: What does Pedro think of Ted Cruz running for President?

-         How will Ted Cruz do when pitted against Don Trump in the presidential race?

-         One thing’s certain: Having Donald Trump as president would ensure that the US has the most luxurious leader in the world.

6AM (4):

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-         Starbucks has now ditched the decision to have their baristas write “race together” on cups.

-         Parody: Burger King wants customers to strike up conversation about unhealthy eating with their customers.

-         Parody: Leave it to Beaver’s gentleman’s club

7AM (1)

-         Do you know what ‘black brunch’ is?

-         Inconvenient truth: Gun violence amongst black people is the number one killer of black people in the country. Of course, most of these cases don’t involve the police.

-         Emails – It’s been confirmed with a listener in the banking industry that banks always report large deposits or withdrawals to the police. Of course, a ‘large’ transaction is entirely subjective and based on the discretion of the institution.

-         It may be time for the Walton & Johnson bank.

7AM (2):

-         18 years ago Cuba Gooding Jr. won an Oscar for his performance in Jerry Maguire. Does that make you feel old?

-         Will Darren Sharper wear his Super Bowl ring in prison? Maybe the ring can be used as a bartering device to keep his new friends out of his butt…

7AM (3):

-         Audio: Producer Ken hits the streets at SXSW in Austin

-         A 22-year-old guy lost over 200 pounds and is now in need of a skin removal procedure. $30,000 was raised after he posted his plea to social media.

-         Do you know anyone that only gets their news from someone like Bill Maher?

-         Ted Cruz had to talk to Matt Lauer like a child in order to break down some simple issues for him.

-         Federally funded Amtrak lost less than $200 million last year. The sad thing is that the organization viewed this as an accomplishment.

7AM (4):

-         Parody: Don Trump announces he’s running for President

-         Top 10 facts about women that baffle men

8AM (1):

-         Parody: Tired of using the selfie stick? Try the narciss-stick! 

-         Why do the South Eastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) call themselves an ‘authority’?

-         The average wage for a babysitter is $13.50/hr

-         Taser Report

8AM (2):

-         Audio: Producer Ken hits the streets of Austin at SXSW

-         Don’t flush! Americans poop $4 billion worth of gold a year. What other kinds of expensive metals do we poop?

-         NBC has been celebrating the 25th anniversary of Pretty Woman for the past month.

8AM (3):

-         What would it be like to be a quality control tester for a brothel?

-         Audio: Ted Cruz’ Presidential speech

-         Think about this: What’s the right amount of illegal aliens that should be released into the populous?

8AM (4):

-         What exactly is the right amount of illegals to remain in the US? According to a report, ICE released over 30,000 illegal criminals into the US last week due to complications with laws in both the US and Mexico.

9AM (1):

-         Parody: Happy Birthday dear Barack Obama

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         This day in history

-         Darren Sharper will receive 9 years in federal prison for drugging and raping several women across the country.

-         Monet Davis may or may not be a slut

9AM (2):

-         5 random facts

-         Long time friend of the show Gary Sullivan has passed.

-         A woman has been held in a psych ward for claiming that Barack Obama follows her on Twitter. Turns out that he does. She’s now suing for compensation.

9AM (3):

-         A New York State man thought it would be cool to show his coworkers at Home Depot his ISIS lip tattoo. Shortly after the man was fired. His counter argument was that the tattoo represented the name of his ex girlfriend.

-         What DVDs will be released today?

-         David Crosby was involved in a car accident the other day when he hit a man jogging on the side of the road. According to Crosby, the sun was in his eyes.

9AM (4):

-         Why isn’t Hillary Clinton worried about her email scandal? Probably because she technically didn’t write the emails in the first place because she can’t type.

-         Ted Cruz is right: It’s not Democrats vs. Republicans; it’s Washington vs. the US.

-         Barack wants to make voting mandatory.

 

 

 


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Comments:


Shankar - 2015-10-13
Heey! I cant wait for the parody eitehr! I bet it will be out soon right ^^I just wanted to say, the makeup on hilly in this pic is AMAZING! :O I guess its hannah who did it? Cant you please make some sort of tutorial or something? ^^Stay awesome!^^;)
by Shankar



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