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March 19th, 2015
Today On WJ

5AM (1):

 

-         It’s safe to say that Barack has finished his March Madness brackets

-         The amount of time wasted in the process of filling out March Madness brackets is mind boggling.

 

5AM (2):

 

-         John Kerry called Netanyahu to congratulate him on his victory. Barack on the other hand, hasn’t made that call yet.

-         The idea that our planet is here to use is not a school of thought that conservationists want to accept.

-         In Touch magazine claims that Bruce Jenner has already had his genitals lopped off as a part of his ‘gender reassignment’ surgery. According to the magazine he regrets the decision, however.

 

6AM (1):

 

-         The majority of profanity complaints to the FCC for radio and television shows are almost always unfounded. Who has time to waste on crap like that?

-         There are three types of drivers out there: The immature driver, the adult driver and the ‘parental’ driver.

-         No one is pleased with their insurance company. The gal on TV that seems happy about hers is receiving a massive paycheck.

 

6AM (2):

 

-         Parody: Try ‘dumb luck’ when picking your NCAA brackets

-         A Kentucky man decided to take a dump in his pants when he appeared in a Louisiana court the other day for murder charges.

-         Chuck Norris may be the reason that Netanyahu won his election. Turns out that Norris launched an 11th hour plea in support of Netanyahu’s election.

 

6AM (3):

 

-         Audio: Racial inequality is exactly what the media wants you to talk about

-         This day in history

-         A coon is a salient example of cleanliness. Would hanging a picture of one in employee bathrooms cause restaurant workers to wash their hands more often?

 

6AM (4):

 

-         This day in history: The area that Graceland is located in used to be a plush part of town. Today, that’s not the case.

-         The reports on how Elvis died are still conflicting.

 

 

 

 


7AM (1)

 

-         Parody: Don Trump has declared his intent to run for President

-         Will instant replay reviews become a requirement for every NFL penalty? Use of more instant replay could extend every game out to ridiculous lengths.

-         Thank God we work in an unconventional office environment that’s filled with hallways of soundproof studios. This eliminates the awkward reactions that would follow when we refused to fill out March Madness brackets.

 

7AM (2):

 

**

-         According to researchers from Brazil, babies that are breastfed are more likely to have a higher IQ than those that weren’t breastfed.

-         Parody: Try Dante’s organic breast milk

-         It’s official: Sharknado 3 will be made

-         In gay news, Liza Minnelli has checked into rehab for a valium addiction. Is the addiction a result of her mother’s breast milk?

 

7AM (3):

 

-         Just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should.

-         Audio: Someone compiled the sounds of a standard airplane takeoff and turned it into an EDM beat.

-         Why is it that men get better looking as they age, but women get uglier?

 

7AM (4):

 

-         Parody: Who’s ready for some March Madness brackets?

-         The guy that runs Starbucks wants to trump capitalism because he’s already made it. He simply doesn’t want anyone else to reach his league.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8AM (1):

 

-         A collection of Elvis’ belongings are being auctioned off at Julian’s Auctions. The collection includes his marriage certificate, a Stutz Blackhawk, and even the remote control for the Graceland gate.

-         Emails

-         Want to keep someone from sitting next to you on the plane? As they’re sitting down, ask them if they’ve accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior.

 

8AM (2):

 

-         Durango Colorado made Forbes list for one of the top ski resorts in the nation.

-         How often do women think about money during sex?

-         Used to be that women would use shoes as form of currency.

-         A study shows that women that make the food they see on cooking shows are on average 11 pounds heavier than those that don’t.

-         Will Joe Biden run for President in 2016?

 

8AM (3):

 

-         The Secret Service is so low that they’re using some of the oldest excuses in the books to get them out their screw ups.

-         In a story that sounds like it’s straight from The Onion, the Secret Service has asked for $8 million to build mock-up of the White House.

 

8AM (4):

 

-         Being a P.I. is easier these days with the advent of drone technology.

-         Can you name the 10 Commandments without having to Google it?

-         Obama can be likened to a bratty, angry little child that hasn’t gotten his way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


9AM (1):

 

-         Calls – Mike shot down a drone that flew above his property. This begs the question: Do we own the space above our land?

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         This day in history

 

9AM (2):

 

-         Calls

-         Barack does more whining in a day than your average bratty child.

 

9AM (3):

 

**

-         What constitutes an inappropriate interview question? At Bose, questions like “how would you unload a plane-full of jelly beans” are routine.

-         Breaking: Singer Sam Smith has lost 15 pounds. Will Tom Petty sue him for copying his slender figure as well?

 

9AM (4):

 

-         Fun Fact: Only two states have never recorded a temperature over 100 degrees: Alaska and Hawaii.

-         Harry Truman joined the KKK in 1924 to gain support for his potential position as county judge.

 

 

 

 

 


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