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March 18th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

-         Feel good story of the morning: A Central Texas educator has been charged with inappropriate contact with a minor.

-         We are now a nation of cowards; as long as Barack will keep us safe.

5AM (2):

-         There are so many idiots on TV right now it’s simply mind boggling.

-         What are the chances that Obama called Netanyahu to congratulate him on his election victory?

6AM (1):

-         Barack has a new high-level appointment to the Department of Homeland Security. Strange thing is, she has no real-world experience.

-         According to sources, Starbucks’ CEO has told employees to start conversations about race relations.

-         Parody: David Duke goes to Starbucks

6AM (2):

-         Billy Ed feels like a minority.

-         According to studies, the year 2040 is the year that white people can say goodbye to the ‘majority status.’

-         Google has been forced to admit that only 2 percent of their workforce is a minority race.

-         5 Random Facts: Monica Lewinsky has not had a real job since she left the White House

6AM (3):

-         Walton and Johnson were diverse before being diverse was cool.

-         It’s now been settled: A picture was taken in 1891 of the first patented roll of hanging toilet paper. The roll in the photo was in the over position. This now renders the argument of ‘over or under’ useless.

-         Imagine taking a dump on a 747 so large that the plane has to turn around…

6AM (4):

-         Several prominent rockers have died, including the drummer for Molly Hatchet.

-         The EPA is now worried about the carbon emissions of your barbeque.

-         Parody: Try the new EPA ‘Jet Spa’ shower head

-         Have you ever seen an elephant take a pee?

7AM (1)

-         Kraft is reporting that 6.5 million boxes of macaroni and cheese contain chunks of metal. Question is: Is it in the powder or in the box of noodles?

-         Parody: Dick Vital checks in with his March Madness prediction

7AM (2):

-         Audio: Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to know that she’s a common woman just like every other modern gal. You know the kind; the kind that makes $16 million a year.

7AM (3):

-         Ad execs in the ‘70s tried to be avant-garde with their commercials.

-         Audio: STDs are for everyone!

-         Fun fact: The year that cigarette companies took their commercials off the radio, sales plummeted.

7AM (4):

-         You have to ask yourself: How did the greatest free nation in the world vote to put a communist in the White House?

-         Audio: What happens when you ask a group of idiots at SXSW about fake bands?

-         Hillary Clinton has as many qualifications to be President as Dale Earnhardt’s wife had to drive at a NASCAR race.

-         All the politicians on Capitol Hill are all attorneys. Where are the engineers, scientists, doctors and the rest of the population?

-         Taser Report

8AM (1):

-         Tony Dorsett is losing his mind.

-         This day in history

-         Emails

8AM (2):

-         Is eating three meals a day racist? In 2015, the answer is a resounding yes.

8AM (3):

-         What are the best and worst cities to be a basketball fan? San Antonio ranks near the top of the list.

-         You’d think that as close as San Antonio is to Austin the two cities would have a ‘synergy’ of sorts…

-         A coal fire has been raging for 99 years beneath the surface of India. Similar fires have been burning for years in the US as well.

-         The planet has a fever!

8AM (4):

-         The CEO of Starbucks is encouraging their ‘baristas’ to strike up conversations about race relations.

-         Police in Florida got a call about a man breaking into a house. When the cops got there, the man claimed that he co-owned the house with Mariah Carey.

-         Word to the wise: You can call an attorney an “attorney” only in they’re good. Conversely, if they suck, they’re just a lawyer.

-         The 30 Rock building might be for sale and Mr. Eaux wants in on the deal.

9AM (1):

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         Today is Dane Cook’s birthday and he still sucks.

-         We’re just three short days away from World Poetry Day. How will you celebrate?

-         Eddie Murphy’s “Put the Boogey in your Butt” didn’t take off like he thought it would

-         How does one confuse Robert Durst with Fred Durst?

-         Brad Paisley’s yard is filled with all kinds of targets to shoot his bow.

9AM (2):

-         The government thinks that they can tax you into thinking that they can control the weather.

-         Hillary Clinton has committed more crimes and gotten away with them than any other politician.

 

9AM (3):

-         Starbucks thinks that ‘black coffees matter’

-         How clever do you have to be to escape from jail in a Ford Escape?

-         Annise Parker is ‘pondering’ her future in politics.

-         What’s the number of ‘transgender’ people in the city of Houston?

-         Breaking: Don Trump has agreed to run for President.

 

9AM (4):

-         Chris Brown was in town over the weekend to see his baby. Of course, that comes after hitting up the strip club.

-         Every skitzo that goes on a reality TV show wants to do other TV work.

-         Emails – It’s too late find hope for the future voters of America.


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