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March 5th, 2015
Today on WJ

5AM (1):

-         The Australians have gone and done it: Australian officials mowed down 700 Koalas in Australia due to overpopulation.

-         How does a Koala taste?

-         In LA, a ‘super bug’ may soon be spreading across the city.

5AM (2):

-         South Korea’s pop music is nothing to write home about. We got a taste of it with “Gangnam Style” but they get stuff like that on the radio every day.

-         Remember, the W&J motto is: “Work hard, care more”

6AM (1):

-         Bruce Jenner has decided to keep his penis for now. He will be getting bigger boobs in the future, however.

-         Several NFL players have decided to donate their brains to science to encourage research into the damaging effects of concussions.

6AM (2):

-         Spud Melin, the man that popularized the Frisbee, founded the company Wham-O.

-         Remember when the Hooter’s girls all used Hula Hoops?

6AM (3):

-         Does Barack not know that it’s already illegal to own armor-piercing bullets?

-         The problem with the theory that cops in Ferguson are racist is that most of the citizens in the city are black. Who else are they going to pull over?

-         Net Neutrality is a solution to a problem that never existed in the first place.

-         It’s important to remember that a chunky lesbian in a pants suit is unstoppable – much like a charging rhino.

6AM (4):

-         5 Random Facts: According to research, moms with big butts typically give birth to smarter children. Using this logic, Kim Kardashian’s kid must be the smartest toddler in the world.

-         Darryl Hall and John Oates are suing the maker of Haulin’ Oates

-         A man is willing to trade the supposed finger of Jerry Garcia for tickets to a Grateful Dead show.

7AM (1)

-         Why does the owner of the Astros hate the show so much?

-         If Minute Maid Park had better food, the attendance might drastically increase.

-         Would you pay $25 for a 1.5 foot long corn dog?

7AM (2):

-         Parody: Barack hates the term ‘dwarf planet’ because of its discriminatory nature.

-         None of the NFL players need our money but they still want it.

-         A woman divorced her husband of one week because of his massive penis. Good to know that she’s a ‘Biblical’ kind of gal.

7AM (3):

-         Have you heard of ‘maternity tourism’?

-         Parody: Want to be a citizen? Try Anchor Babies Away

-         Parody: Would you watch a show like The Bachelor, only with dogs?

7AM (4):

-         There’s a sequel to Independence Day being made.

-         Audio: Hillary Clinton was caught on tape stating that she’d like to have a secret email server installed into her house.

-         Emails – Shelly reminds us that there are a lot of young people that listen to the show too.

-         No one wants to see Chelsea Handler’s boobs anymore. Enough already!

8AM (1):

-         Parody: Check out iBeg – for the more dignified beggar.

-         This day in history

-         Joseph Stalin had a rather unusual diet in an attempt to remain living for as long as possible. His goal was to oversee his communist regime for as long as he could.

-         56 years ago today Elvis Presley was discharged from the service. According to reports Presley was a tank driver; little footage exists of him actually driving them, however.

-         Tragic news: A guru somehow convinced over 70 of his followers to cut off their penises.

8AM (2):

-         Parody: Recently music has been developed specifically for cats. What about dogs?

-         Does it take a judge to tell you that the danger of hot fajitas is self evident? For one man, the answer is yes.

-         Political correctness has crippled society to the point where people are simply acting like morons.

8AM (3):

-         Yesterday was “National Grammar Day”

-         Sage advice: Never stick your finger into the face of a naked ginger high on drugs.

8AM (4):

-         Audio: Woman fails to solve difficult Wheel of Fortune puzzle

-         Baton Rouge is the second laziest city in America.

-         You’ve heard of skeet shooting, but have you heard of scat shooting?

9AM (1):

-         Does it take drugs to convince a teenage boy to have sex with his teacher? I guess it depends on how ugly she is…

-         Celebrity Birthdays: The young kid that played the child version of Anakin Skywalker turns 26 today.

-         A Latino/Black fight is going on in a Maryland high school

9AM (2):

-         Bruce Jenner has announced that he’ll be keeping his penis for now.

-         Women don’t realize that covering yourself in tattoos isn’t attractive at all.

9AM (3):

-         What if the anaconda in the movie Anaconda and the alligator in Lake Placid squared off?

-         Why does ‘Lil Wayne have two names?

9AM (4):

-         Remember that it’s YOUR duty to work the topic of Walton & Johnson into regular conversation each day.

-         Remember ladies, resist the temptation the next time you try to be a ‘down ass bitch’.

-         A study indicates that we have trouble resisting the temptation to smell our hands after we shake. Maybe we should just bow like the Chinese.

 

 


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