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February 16th, 2015
Today on W&J

5AM (1):

-         Let’s get one thing straight: Islam IS a religion of peace and love. Forget the fact that 20-something people were beheaded over the weekend; those are just extremists.

-         February 26th is the day the FCC will probably take control of the Internet as we know it.

-         Someone needs to break it to Barack that today is NOT about him.

5AM (2):

-         Even t he BBC knows Madonna is irrelevant and old!

-         A man performing in Marvel Universe Live suffered an injury over the weekend when

-         Have you seen 50 Shades of Grey yet? Neither have we and we don’t plan to, even if it were free.

6AM (1):

-         Calls

-         How will you celebrate President’s Day today? Seems like a bit of King’s Cake would be appropriate.

6AM (2):

-         Billy Ed’s impersonation of Gary Owens isn’t exactly greatest…

-         The guys recall their encounter with Gary Owens.

-         Passengers on an Airline en route to the US from Las Cabos, Mexico had to turn around after a woman got stung by a scorpion over the weekend.

6AM (3):

-         Parody: Barack wants to wish you a happy and healthy President’s Day.

-         This is the day in age where you can never really ‘miss’ anything.

-         Did you catch the SNL 40th anniversary special this weekend?

6AM (4):

-         You probably don’t have Alzheimer’s if you lose your car keys. If you don’t know what your keys are for, however, you might have Alzheimer’s.

-         Justin Timberlake has completely changed his image over the years.

-         Word to the wise: If you eat dinner at Clint Eastwood’s house, you must bring a joke.

7AM (1)

-         Audio: Steve Martin speaks at the SNL 40th anniversary special

-         According to reports, Obama threw a hissy fit at the Pentagon when one of the upper military brass painted Islam in a ‘poor light’

-         It just so happens that the majority of government leaders in the US are ardent practitioners of Islam.

-         5 Random Facts

7AM (2):

-         Why does Obama ask for the support of Congress to defeat ISIS, yet want to put restriction on the fight?

-         In America, it’s almost better to be disabled.

-         Are the Germans fed up with ISIS yet?

-         The Chinese prison system is probably significantly smaller than the US based solely on the fact that the Chinese execute so many people.

7AM (3):

-         If you’re not a handsome man, listen up. The best way to attract a good-looking woman is to appear like you have money.

-         Surprisingly, death toll in Chicago over the weekend was just 8. Turns out that the cold is a great way to mitigate crime.

-         BET will air the first episode of the miniseries ‘The Book of Negroes’ tonight. Will you watch?

-         We’re basically the only ones working today.

7AM (4):

-         It goes without saying that Houston is a massive driving city. Recently, groups of criminals have been getting together in an attempt to box you in and make you crash in order to collect insurance.

-         900 punks in California attempted to perform a ‘flash mob’ in a movie theater. Sadly, cops were able to arrest only 2 of the perps.

-         Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t care how much a movie made over the weekend?

8AM (1):

-         A man in Chula Vista, California decided to have sex with a woman he met on a train in broad daylight. Cops arrested the man and cited the woman. Question is: Why wasn’t the woman arrested too?

-         A newspaper in North Carolina claims that Obama isn’t the antichrist; he is, however, one of the Kings that precedes that antichrist.

-         Even the BBC thinks that Madonna is old news.

-         This year’s Oscar gift bag is worth $125,000.

8AM (2):

-         New England has been hit by yet another snowstorm over the weekend. This brings the count up to 4 storms within a period of 4 weeks.

-         Turns out that drinking a glass of red wine a day is healthier for men than it is for women. Of course, this is largely predicated on whether or not the glass was given to you by Bill Cosby.

8AM (3):

-         This day in history: 47 years ago today John and Cynthia Lennon flew to India to practice transcendental meditation.

-         It’s been nearly one year since Malaysian Airline flight 470 went missing.

8AM (4):

-         Fact: It’s NOT the hole in Willie Nelson’s guitar that makes him play so good.

-         John gives his best Outlaw Dave skull bong impersonation

-         Does Willie Nelson a skull bong kind of guy or is he more conservative when it comes to his smoking paraphernalia?

9AM (1):

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         Remember Tracy Lord? Most of her fame arose out of the fact that she filmed hours of porn before she was legal.

-         Tribute band Steel Panther cut a song to ‘honor’ Kanye West.

-         Gary Busey accidentally backed into a woman with his car over the weekend.

-         Barack’s new ‘selfie video’ is so dumb that even the MSM isn’t airing it.

9AM (2):

-         The Brian Williams memes are still going strong.

-         Russian women are so attractive it’s no surprise why James Bond spent so much time over there.

9AM (3):

-         One Oklahoma teenager spent the entire summer preparing valentines for each and every girl at his high school. Will it pay off by prom?

-         If you knew the government would take care of you for the rest of your life, would you throw away your dignity and jump on the band wagon?

-         The sister of the Muslim girl killed in North Carolina admitted that her story, which claimed that a man from Texas threatened her with a gun, was nothing but a lie.

9AM (4):

-         According to a study, people can tell a generous amount about a person within a minute of meeting them.

 


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