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February 9th, 2015
Today on W&J

5AM (1):

-         After reading the highlights of last night’s Grammy’s we’re okay with the fact that we didn’t watch.

-         What if Beyonce’s album actually won at the Grammy’s? Would Kanye West still have been upset?

-         Kim Kardashain has revealed so much of her body to us that there’s nothing left to the imagination. If we wanted to see more, we’d have to use an endoscope.

-         Bruce Jenner killed a 70-year-old woman over the weekend in a car accident. Now that he’s a woman, it’s possible he was putting on his makeup.

-         Brian Williams has ‘stepped away’ from the nightly news for a few days.

-         The demise of journalism is due in part to the fact that anyone can sue you if they don’t like what you have to say about them, fact or not.

5AM (2):

-         Mr. Maggoo was a great cartoon character.

-         Lester Holt will be the anchor filling in during Brian Williams’ brief hiatus.

-         Al Sharpton probably feels that he doesn’t have to pay taxes because his ancestors paid with their lives during slavery.

-         Why is ISIS still being considered a threat now that Jordan has put the smack down on them?

-         Since last year, the murder rate in New Orleans was the lowest it’s been in 44 years.

6AM (1):

-         Les Paul has won a total of 7 Grammys.

-         Billy Ed’s momma likes the new Red Velvet Oreo’s so much that she made a surprise call to the double wide last night!

-         Specialty Oreos may be becoming so prevalent that the regular ones are getting harder to find.

6AM (2):

-         Parody: This portion of the show brought to you by the honesty of NBC news.

-         Inconvenient truth: With the height of the hotel Brian Williams was staying in during Hurricane Katrina, it would’ve been impossible for a dead body to float by, as he actually claimed.

6AM (3):

-         Brian Williams has ‘taken himself off the air’ out of responsibility to honest journalism. Right… 

-         Question: Is Barack more dangerous now that he has just two years left in his presidency, or was he more dangerous when he started?  

-         Barack may just be the greatest liar in the history of mankind, a title he would gladly take.

6AM (4):

-         5 Random Facts

-         With global warming imminent, how much longer will it be until Alaskans ride jet skis to work instead of fly to work?

-         Emails

7AM (1)

-         Why is everyone so eager to forgive Obama for every mistake he makes?

-         Disturbing: Next to Michigan, Texas ranks number two in states that contain a large portion of the population that support Sharia law.

-         Parody: Will the time come where Africa will ban all flights to the US to avoid disease?

-         Bruce Jenner will do anything to prove he’s a woman; this includes killing people with his car to further the stereotype that women can’t drive.

-         A man has decided to permanently alter his face to look like a Marvel comic character.

7AM (2):

-         Radio Shack has filed for bankruptcy. How will this affect the customers?

-         Parody: allahu Akbar – When I say allahu, you say AKBAR!

-         Bruce Jenner will do anything to prove that he’s a woman.

7AM (3):

-         Taser Report

7AM (4):

-         How long will American Sniper stay in the box office?

8AM (1):

-         The best Tom Cruise movies are the ones where he dies.

-         Emails – If the W&J app isn’t working right for you, just reinstall it and voila!

-         Thanks for listening from India, listener Ravi!

-         How many babies exist that have scars and battle wounds from being held up during Mardi gras?

8AM (2):

-         This day in history: The Beatles appeared on the Ed Sullivan show, appearing before 73 million people.

-         Billy Ed wants society to get over the Beatles. According to him, what’s so special about them anyways?

-         Audio: Armed with government ‘statistics,’ Barack wants you to know that it’s NOT okay to rape. As if you didn’t already know that…

-         Emails

-         Kim Kardashian has revealed even more of her body to the world.

8AM (3):

-         Parody: American Sniper 2 is already here!

-         Mel Brooks is talking about making a sequel to Space Balls.

-         What are the five things that we should clean more often? Chances are your penis isn’t one of them.

-         American Sniper has finally been supplanted in the box office by the new Sponge Bob movie.

8AM (4):

-         Audio: Melissa Harris Perry wants to tell you about ducks.

-         Turns out that over 70 percent of people believe in ‘soul mates.’ This may in part explain why the nation is in the current state that it’s in.

-         What exactly is a soul mate anyways?

9AM (1):

-         If you’ve ever wondered if Kim K. shaves her ‘area’ or not, wonder no more.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         A Democrat has proposed a bill aimed at devising more ways to collect taxes from citizens. Genius!

-         What the hell was Sheila Jackson Lee doing at the Grammys?

9AM (2):

-         How many lies can Brian Williams tell?

-         Take our word for it: Bob Dylan’s new album sucks!

9AM (3):

-         Calls

-         One of the largest babies in the state of Florida has been born, weighing in at nearly 14 lbs.

-         A man in Arizona paid $6 for a watch that ended up being worth $35 thousand.

-         Will Brian Williams ever be back to report the news?

9AM (4):

-         Shocking: Turns out that Brian Williams wasn’t actually the fifth man to walk on the moon.

-         Sign of the times: One high school is releasing a year book with a feature aimed at highlighting students with the best tattoos.

-         Scientists have discovered an earthquake fault in Irving, Texas.


 


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