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February 2nd, 2015
Today on W&J

5AM (1):

-         How much of the Super Bowl did you watch this weekend?

-         Tom Brady just looks like an arrogant peace of crap, doesn’t he?

-         According to Barack, we’re NOT in a religious war. This is despite the fact that every time an act of terrorism occurs, someone is there to scream “Allah Akbar!”

5AM (2):

-         It’s confirmed: Bruce Jenner is turning into a woman and it will all be put on television. Will you watch?

-         Tiger Woods played the worst game of his professional career on Friday. I think everyone agrees it’s about time he retired.

-         Maybe Tiger Woods is better at doing tricks than he is at actually playing golf...

6AM (1):

-         Today is Groundhog Day. How will you celebrate?

-         How long should a good radio show last? 30 years… Maybe 40?

6AM (2):

-         5 Random Facts

-         As always, the best stories start out with the phrase “A man in Florida…”  

-         A Florida teenager called the cops when his buddy shot his balls off!

-         Calls

-         Saturday night the NFL awards show aired.

-         Have the Jacksonville Jaguars ever been to the Super Bowl? Turns out there’s a list of 4 teams that have never made it to the ‘Big Game’

6AM (3):

-         Guest: Nancy Grace refuses to partake in the ganja, the giggle weed, the buddha, the blow stick, the mary jane…

-         How does glue company Loctite afford a Super Bowl commercial?

6AM (4):

-         Why is it that every Groundhog that replaces Phil is also names Phil?

-         The past week proved to us that we should never trust anything weather people tell us.

7AM (1)

-         Green Bay fans love the pay back this morning!

-         We’ll be honest; Katy Perry’s half-time show last night wasn’t bad. Of course, this was mostly due to her astounding rack.

-         The NFL knows that most men watch football. The demographic they really aim for during games like the Super Bowl is women.

7AM (2):

-         Today is the anniversary of Chris Kyle’s death.

-         The Walton & Johnson anniversary is coming up!

-         Whoever’s idea it was to sing “We are the Champions” at the end of the Super Bowl made a colossal mistake.

-         A fight broke out at the end of the game yesterday.

-         Taser Report

7AM (3):

-         Parody: Barack’s thoughts on the Super Bowl

-         It’s too bad that Katy Perry didn’t have a wardrobe malfunction last night. It would’ve completely wiped out the disgusting image of Janet Jackson’s nipple that we all still have in our minds.

-         In the world of skiing, being over 30 is considered ‘old.’

-         This day in history

7AM (4):

-         Did you see Steven Tyler at the Super Bowl last night? He looks like a decrepit old woman with a mustache.

-         Fun Fact: The average person will pass gas over 4,000 times per year.

-         Guest: Dr. Sadie Allison – Dirty books for dirty ladies

8AM (1):

-         Barack wants to assure you that the US is NOT fighting a religious war.

-         Bruce Jenner is becoming a woman, but thing that we can’t figure out is whether or not he’s being paid to do it or not.

-         Rapper Suge Night has officially been charged with murder.

-         How much spit do you think you produce in a year? Turns out it’s about 91 gallons worth.

-         Fun Fact: In a year’s time, the average person will shed 8 pounds of skin.

-         A man that climbed a bicycle rack at the White House yesterday is being charged with unlawful entry.

8AM (2):

-         Audio: Sage advice from senior citizens

-         Parody: What will Super Bowl 100 be like?

-         Good news: Rolls Royce sales are at an all time high.

-         Scientists claim that there’s a simple organism that has the ability to live forever. It’s probably one of the Kardashians…

-         Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow this morning. Controversy has struck, however. Staten Island Chuck’s shadow WAS visible. Which rodent do we believe?

8AM (3):

-         Next year the NFL will be calling a 15-yard penalty for players that use foul language audible on the broadcast.

8AM (4):

-         Obama is fighting for a government takeover of the Internet and is doing everything in his power to regulate it, much in the same way we currently regulate public utilities.

9AM (1):

-         Why isn’t the McRib in all McDonald’s locations? It’s no surprise that the chain is reporting the worst sales in the history of the company.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         It’s about time to say goodbye to the Groundhog Day tradition. Billy Ed needs to get in there with his deer rifle and put an end to Punxsutawney Phil.

-         Today is the second anniversary of the killing of Chris Kyle.

9AM (2):

-         Calls – Should there be a National Chris Kyle day?

-         There’s a lot to be learned from Indians (feather, not dot). Although we can learn a few things from dots too.

-         Tracy Morgan was spotted in New York over the weekend still walking with a cane.

-         Who’s manlier: Serena or Venus?

9AM (3):

-         Barack wants you to know that he’s just like you because he can brew his own beer. What CAN’T this guy do?

-         What do you think would happen if a woman put an ad in a paper offering to sell her virginity for $1000? Conversely, what if a man did the same thing? One 29-year-old Romanian man did just this and sadly had no takers.

9AM (4):

-         No one wants another Bush in office.

-         Breaking News:  Johnny Manzeil has entered rehab.

-         Can you be arrested for a DUI while driving a Zamboni on an ice rink?

-         Hotel chains have had enough of people stealing their towels and linens. Many chains are now imbedding tiny M&M-sized anti-theft devices in their items.

 


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