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March 13th, 2013
Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong: People will forgive me like they did Bill Clinton

Disgraced Lance Armstrong said in an interview that the public will soon forget about him being the biggest dope cheat in cycling's history, just like they did former president Bill Clinton for his affair with an intern.

Mr. Armstrong said that Clinton was a hero of his and that he wanted to become "president of the world."

"Ultimately, people forgive and forget and remember the good stuff you did," he said. "Is it hard to do? Yeah. But Clinton did it - he loves to work, he loves people, he loves to hustle. He's a hero of mine. He's a tough guy, he's smart, surrounded himself with good people. And ten years later, he's president of the world. It can be done."

Um.....yeah, about that.....See, Lance - a lot of people HAVEN'T forgiven Bill Clinton for "what he did."  And if you think we're referring to the whole Monica incident, I'm not. I'm referring of course to his policies, hob-knobbing with Hollywood and lets not forget about his biggest crime of all: turning the first lady into a politician.

We might forgive you....because, lets face it - France sucks and who cares if someone cheated in a bicycle race, but citing Bill Clinton as a personal role model is probably the most offensive thing you've ever done.

-W&J's Producer

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