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March 26th, 2010
The Little Red Hen


The Little Red Hen Revisited

Once upon a time, on a farm in Virginia, there was a little red Republican hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all her Democrat neighbors together and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?' 'Not I,' said the cow. 'Not I,' said the duck. 'Not I,' said the pig. 'Not I,' said the goose. 'Then I'll do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did. The wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain. 'Who will help me reap my wheat?' asked the little red hen. 'Not I,' said the duck. 'Out of my classification,' said the pig. 'I 'd lose my seniority,' said the cow. 'I'd lose my unemployment compensation,' said the goose. 'Then I'll do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did. When it came time to bake the bread, the little red hen asked, 'Who will help me bake my bread?' 'That would be overtime for me,' said the cow. 'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck. 'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig. 'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose. 'Then I'll do it myself,' said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for all her neighbors to see; she asked, 'Now, who will help me eat this bread?' 'I will,' mooed the cow. 'I will,' quacked the duck. 'I will,' honked the goose. 'I will,' grunted the pig. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.' 'Excess profits!' cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi) (approval rating 11% 3/21/10) 'Capitalist leech!' screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer) 'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson) The pig just grunted in disdain. (Harry Reid) (approval rating 8% 3/21/10) And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities. Then Farmer Obama told the little red hen, 'You mustn't be greedy'. 'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen. 'Exactly,' said Farmer Obama. 'That's what makes a free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants; but under our modern government regulations, productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle.' And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful, for now I truly understand.' She joined the 'party' to get free bread, became lazy and idle, and never again baked bread. And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established. Nobody noticed that individual initiative had died; perhaps no one cared, so long as there was free bread at the expense of 'the rich'. But eventually there were no 'rich' and there was no more bread.




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