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March 17th, 2010
SLAINTE!

The Top Signs You're Way Too Into St. Patrick's Day

 

--You started drinking early . . . on February 1st.

 

--You scour Craigslist for a leprechaun tranny.

 

--You pinch people who aren't wearing green.  Or who are wearing green.  Okay, you're a pervert.

 

--You've been hospitalized for attempting to dye your pubes green.

 

--You wear a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" button to Magic Johnson's house.

 

--Even when you're sober, you swear that Notre Dame is gonna have a good football team.

 

--You're holding Ronald McDonald hostage until he puts Shamrock Shakes back on the menu.

 

--You offer any priest named "Patrick" a complimentary molestation.

 

--To appear more as a leprechaun, you had your legs chopped in half.

 

--You're constantly being slapped for showing women your "shillelagh."

 

--You like using classic Irish phrases, like "Erin Go Bragh," "Top O' the Mornin'" and "I'm drunk off my ass!"

 

 --You ask the ladies at the bar to imitate Saint Patrick and chase the snake out of your pants.

 

--You stuff your skull bong with four leaf clovers.


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