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December 10th, 2010
One Thing America Can Still Do Right

American Women are Drunker, Chubbier, and Skankier Than Ever!

This is probably bad news for America's overall health and welfare . . . but it's an EARLY CHRISTMAS for me and my fellow chubby chasers!

According to the annual women's health report card put out by the Oregon Health and Science University, women in the U.S. are DRUNKER, CHUBBIER, and SKANKIER than EVER.  God bless us, everyone.

Drunker.  More women drank at least five drinks in one night in the past month.  More than 10% binge drink at least once a month, up from 6.7% in 2007.

Chubbier.  26.4% of women are now considered obese, up from 24% in 2007.  Skankier.  More women than ever are testing positive for chlamydia.  (--And sure, that's not necessarily a GOOD statistic to show skankiness.  But a sign is a sign.  Wear a rubber, bro.  Wear a rubber.)
The study also found some news that doctors actually consider good signs:  screening rates for colorectal cancer are up . . . cholesterol is down . . . fewer women are smoking . . . and fewer are dying of a stroke or coronary heart disease.

On a state-by-state basis, Vermont and Massachusetts got the best health rankings . . . they were the only two that got a "satisfactory-minus."  Louisiana and Mississippi got the worst grades.  (New York Times)

 


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